Matrimonial Tips- Expert Views
Read Blogs on Marriage by our experts
1. Wedding Planning Tips
2. Marriage Procession
3. Questions to ask before you say I DO
4. Ways to get someone like you
5. Sign you are ready for marriage
6. Tips for a successful relationship
1. Wedding Planning Tips
Follow these simple wedding planning tips from Namdev Info Team
Wedding planning and preparation tips:
- When planning the guest list, remember that you do not need to invite your co-workers. If there is some one that you work with that you are very close to, that is one thing but inviting 100 people from the office is just a waste of your money on the invitations because only the ones that you are close to will come anyway.
- The first step in wedding planning is deciding how much money you are going to spend and make a budget.
- When planning your wedding budget allow 25% more for extras that you havent planned for.
- Order the invitations four months in advance. Invitations should be mailed four to six weeks in advance. Take the invitations to the post office to be weighted for sufficient postage.
- On your wedding day bring along an emergency kit with a needle and thread, safety pins, hairpins, hairspray, nail polish and extra pantyhose.
- Start shopping for a wedding dress six months in advance. You will need several fittings before it is perfect.
- Do your hair and makeup before putting on your wedding dress or sari.
- Plan your honeymoon six months in advance. Make all arrangements and reservations well in advance.
- If your budget is small, share your joy and happiness with only family and your closest friends.
- When selecting a caterer try to sample their food before hiring them. If it is a restaurant, go there to have dinner before you hire them.
- Invitations should always be addressed by pen, preferably a black fountain pen.
- Remember that it is his wedding, too. Some men do not want much to do with the planning but it is not always too. Take his advice too.
- Plan your budget first. The rest you can fit into that budget.
- If you and your fiancée have a disagreement, work it out without involving either set of parents.
- When shopping for your wedding dress, state your price range at the beginning.
- Remember to always send a "Thank you" note for all wedding gifts you receive.
- When choosing a wedding date, take your guests into consideration. Avoid family birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Also think about those that will be traveling.
- View his or her photographs to see if you like their style of photography. If you do, book as early as possible.
- Planning a wedding takes a lot of time. If you dont have the time, hire a wedding consultant.
- When you are meeting with a florist for wedding flowers, know what your budget will be and the colours you have chosen.
- Eat something before your wedding. Even though you might not feel hungry, try to swallow just a few bites. You dont want to faint on your big day!
- Make detailed photocopies of your wedding day schedule beginning that morning and continuing until your departure for your honeymoon. Give copies of the schedule to all parents as well as everyone in the wedding party.
- Dont hesitate to ask family and friends to help with preparations. Choose the appropriate task for the person you are asking.
2. Marriage Procession
How to Organize a Wedding Procession
The wedding procession or entrance of the bridal party, occurs in a certain order that culminates with the bride. The bridal procession begins after all guests are seated and the processional (the music) has started. Bridal processions vary, depending on the style of the ceremony, but the traditional order of appearance (especially for a Christian wedding) is as follows:
1 The officiant, groom and best man take their places to the right of the altar, usually entering through a side door, and face the guests.
Groomsmen can either take their places with the groom and best man or escort the bridesmaids down the aisle (bridesmaid on the left, groomsman on the right). If they escort the bridesmaids, they can either walk with them from the back of the ceremony site or start with the groom and meet them halfway down the aisle, escorting them the rest of the way. When they arrive at the altar, they turn to face the guests.
2 Bridesmaids enter through the back of the ceremony site, either alone or with the groomsmen.
After they arrive at the altar, they turn to face the guests. Try to line up the attendants by height, shortest to tallest on each side, with the shortest walking in first.
3 The maid or matron of honor is the last of the bride’s attendants to walk down the aisle, either alone or with the best man.
4 The ring bearer walks in next.
5 The flower girl walks in just before the bride.
It’s acceptable for the ring bearer and flower girl to enter together. Depending on their ages, the flower girl and ring bearer may sit with their families instead of standing with the rest of the attendants.
Its also common for the ring bearer and flower girl to trade places with the maid or matron of honor (as shown in the following figure).
6 Last to come down the aisle is the bride, who traditionally walks on her escort’s left arm.
Some couples choose to have the bride walk on the right so that no one is between her and the groom when she arrives at the altar.
Traditionally, the brides escort is on her right, but feel free to break tradition.
Make sure your attendants practice pacing themselves about for to six rows apart and walking serenely down the aisle at the rehearsal. Nervousness tends to make people rush down the aisle — which doesn’t make for a very elegant entrance.
The basic Jewish processional is as follows:
- The cantor and rabbi take their places in the front of the ceremony site.
- The bride’s grandparents, followed by the groom’s grandparents, may choose to take part in the processional instead of being seated beforehand.
- The ushers file down the aisle in pairs (shortest to tallest), followed by the best man and then the groom, who may or may not be escorted by both parents, his mother on the right and father on the left.
- The bridesmaids may walk in individually or in pairs.
- The maid or matron of honor comes in after all the bridesmaids, followed by the ring bearer and then the flower girl.
- The bride enters last, with an escort on her right side. If the bride is escorted by both parents, her mother is on the right, and her father is on the left.
3. Questions to ask before you say I DO
1. Can they handle conflict? Conflict is certain in marriage, but that’s not all negative. Learning to resolve conflict can have many positive benefits, provided you learn how to handle conflict in a healthy way. Healthy conflict gives birth to intimacy and understanding. Unhealthy conflict creates bitterness and resentment. “Two major red flags of unhealthy conflict management are stonewalling (the silent treatment) and any form of violence. If someone is a little too angry as a boyfriend/girlfriend.
2. Does he/she share your faith? The deeper you hold your faith, the more difficult it is to compromise on this, particularly if you decide to have children. So many couples have come back to me after they have children and ask, “What do we do now?” when trying to decide where to worship and even how to acknowledge the birth (Baptism? Dedication?) There’s no easy answer here. A common faith holds a family together, not just on a weekly basis, but on major holidays throughout the year—which means that every such occasion will remind you of your disconnect as a couple if you share a significantly different expression of faith that makes you want to be in two different houses of worship at any one time.
3. Will they kiss divorce good-bye? Every marriage eventually proves to be difficult at times. Human nature is such that if there’s an easy “off-ramp,” we tend to want to take it. Marry someone who is committed to working through every challenge you face without considering divorce as an option.
4. Will they be a spectacular parent? You’re not just choosing your future husband or wife; you’re choosing your kids’ future dad or mom. It’s impossible for you to imagine how much you’ll love your children; they will pull emotions out of you that you didn’t even know you had. And on the day you bring them home, you’ll be so glad you picked someone who will be a fantastic parent, or you’ll grieve that they have to put up with someone who is neglectful.
5. Do they pray? The older we get, the more it seems we need to pray. Our circle of influence widens. People ask us to pray for them. The task of being married requires Namdev Info—we pray about how to love each other, for the strength to serve unselfishly, and for wisdom for many decisions. Few couples married for several years have sex every day—but every thoughtful Christian will pray every day, so put “prayer aptitude” at least as high as sexual chemistry in your list of what matters in a potential spouse. Being married to an active pray-er is a true blessing. By the way, a quick test to know how often someone prays is simply listening to what they talk about. Do they ever share what God is challenging them with? If they’re not regularly talking about God, they’re not regularly talking to God. If he/she never shares anything about their devotional times, that’s a good sign that they don’t really have significant devotional times.
6. Do they know how to forgive? James 3:2 says, “We all stumble in many ways.” That includes you. The Bible testifies that, in marriage (and out), you will stumble in many ways. If you marry someone who doesn’t know how to forgive, your marriage will soon be weighted down with heavy resentment and bitterness.
7. Do they know how to communicate? Communication is essential to build new intimacy when infatuation fades (which it will). If you marry someone who is fearful of communication or unskilled at communication, your marriage will fall into an intimacy rut. Joshua Harris writes, “You can’t love what you don’t know. You can’t be truly loved if you’re not truly known. And the only way to know and be known by another person is to communicate—openly, honestly, sincerely, humbly.” Women, however much your boyfriend talks to you, imagine marriage will have 25% less talk. (I’m not suggesting it should be that way, just that it often is.) Will that be enough? If he’s already borderline in this area, you’re likely to become very frustrated after marriage.
4. Ways to get someone like you
1 Stand by your values and beliefs.
One thing thats distinctive about you is your particular combination of principles and convictions that you hold dear. Those things are at the core of who you are, so its important to stay true to yourself even in moments of conflict or uncertainty.
- Conflict is a part of any relationship. You dont have to change who you are to resolve a disagreement. Simply ask that your beliefs be treated with respect and offer that same respect to others.
- Sticking to your beliefs takes courage. Its not easy to be the one who stands up to a bully or refuses to go along with a harmful or dangerous prank. Being true to yourself might make you unpopular with some people but could also attract those with whom you share common values.
- Make a list of truths about yourself or create a list of all the people/things that shaped you (your upbringing, your likes/dislikes, your temperament, etc.) and let them remind you of who you are. Use them, too, as jumping off points for conversation or connecting with others.
2 Be open and honest.
Its easier for someone to approach you and, in turn, come to like you, if youre welcoming and genuine. Sending out a friendly, open vibe will help to draw people to you.
- A "what you see is what you get" approach to making friends can cut through any artificialities and help you connect with people who are drawn to you for who you are. But be careful of appearing inflexible; people are less inclined to try to connect to someone who seems too rigid.
- Part of being genuine means showing emotion. You may put on a brave face when youre feeling down or try to hide a stressful day from others, but having emotions is something we all share. Let others see you as a real human being.
- If youre shy and find it difficult to talk to other people, be upfront about that. The good news is that you dont necessarily have to say a lot to have someone enjoy your company. Being a great listener and asking questions that convey a real interest in the other person is one of the best ways to connect.
- Dont be hard on yourself if you feel you have weak social skills. You may have been busy developing other areas of your life. Remember, a skill is something that can be developed, so you can absolutely improve in this area.
3 Develop respect for yourself.
Having healthy self-respect means you like yourself no matter what. Successes and failures cant change it, and it doesnt depend on how you measure up to others--in fact, you never even compare yourself to others. Thats particularly helpful in forming friendships that arent based on competition or one-up-manship.
- Self-respect is key to earning respect from others. Its difficult for people to treat you with real regard if you dont treat yourself well or dont think much of yourself.
4 Maintain good hygiene.
When you look good, you feel better, and when youre feeling good youre more likely to put your best self forward.
- Shower or bathe regularly. Keeping yourself clean conveys that you care about your health and respect your body. If your hair tends to be oily, consider washing it every day (this will also cut down on the chances of acne developing on your forehead); otherwise, every-other day is fine.
- Use deodorant. While it may be perfectly natural, strong body odor can be a turn-off to others. Using a deodorant or antiperspirant, especially in hot weather or before and after exercising, shows that you care not only about yourself but about the comfort-level of others.
- Change clothes. Even if its your favorite t-shirt or pair of jeans, its important to change out it with some regularity. Clothes absorb and can hold on to body odor, so even if youre taking pains to take care of your hygiene, wearing the same clothes several days in a row will work against you.
- Maintain good oral hygiene. Brushing and flossing are important for two big reasons: they help prevent cavities and gum disease and they reduce bad breath. Its difficult for people to get close if your breath is less-than-fresh. Mints and gum can all help but brushing and flossing are the best way to combat smelly mouth germs.
5 Search for common interests.
One thing that brings people together are shared interests. Put yourself in situations where you can pursue things you enjoy and meet others who enjoy them, too.
- Join a club or attend an event. If you like to read, search online or look for signs in coffee shops for a book club in your area. Big fan of cars? Attend local car shows or be part of online discussion groups that focus on automobiles. Shared interests help you to immediately establish common ground with someone.
- Check Meetup and Craigslist for groups and activities. You might be surprised at the volume and variety of groups out there that focus on a wide range of interests.
- When you talk to someone, ask open-ended questions to uncover common ground. Instead of saying,"Do you like music?" ask "What are your three favorite bands?" Instead of, "How was your day?" ask "What was the best part of your day today?" Open-ended questions open the door for discovering more about your conversation partner.
- Volunteer. Find a cause you care about and spend some time supporting it. Youll meet others who share your interest in the same organization and perhaps more.
6 Express yourself.
Whether it means speaking up in a class, sketching wildlife, refinishing a piece of thrift store furniture, expressing yourself by sharing your ideas or your creativity can draw other to you.
- When you express yourself, youre sharing a part of who you are with others. It provides a great opportunity for others to get to know you through your actions, and they might approach you because of something youve said or done.
- Not expressing yourself--verbally or non-verbally--can lead to isolation. If you build walls around yourself and refuse to let anything out, people will assume you want to be left alone, and thats what theyll do.
5. Sign you are ready for marriage
1. You know why you want to get married.
There are pictures of tuxedos and white dresses all over your Facebook feed—is that what you want? Do you just want to be able to say you’re married, or do you really want to spend your life with your partner? Think about why you want to get married. What benefits will you get from marrying your partner, as opposed to continuing your relationship as it is? Ask yourself the hard questions and make sure you’re ready for marriage.
2. You’re planning a marriage, not a wedding.
Weddings are fun parties, a chance to see all your friends and family in one place. But is this why you’re getting married? Do you just want to have a big party and be the center of attention? Weddings last several hours, but a marriage lasts forever. (Hopefully!) Don’t plan for one day—plan for the rest of your lives. Think about how your everyday life will be with your partner, even when you’re not the center of attention.
3. You’ve lived your own life.
It’s true—some high school sweethearts can marry and make it work. But that’s not common. Studies show it’s best to wait until you’re 25 or older to get married. You’re more mature, you’ve lived more of your life. It doesn’t mean you have to date everyone who crosses your path, but you’ve had a chance to meet different people and realize what you want and what you don’t want in your life. This will help you pick your perfect partner.
4. Your relationship is deep.
In the beginning, you and your partner flirted, went out a lot, stayed in bed a lot…But if you’re getting married, you need to have a deep relationship. Deeper than just having fun all the time, going out every night, being carefree. You need to be able to tackle tough issues together.
5. You know and trust your partner.
No matter how long you guys have been together, you need to know your partner completely. Don’t get married just because you’ve been dating for four years. Get married because you know your partner. You know their past and you know their hopes and dreams. You can imagine their reactions to certain things. You know all this and you still love them. Beyond that, you trust them. Trust is vital for a marriage, so make sure you can trust your partner completely.
6. You don’t want to change your partner.
Don’t marry your significant other and think they will change. Marry them because you love them as they are. Making a major commitment won’t change anyone—though it may make you have to work harder on your relationship. Don’t expect the marriage to change your relationship, either. A wedding is not going to heal a major rift between you
7. You resolve conflicts together.
Don’t just gloss over your problems and think forgetting them will make them better. Work out any kinks in your relationship so they won’t blow up later. Don’t get married because you think it will solve a problem. Solve the problem first! If you can’t work out any issues, then you and your partner won’t be able to communicate effectively. Resolving conflicts and compromising in a relationship will make a strong foundation for a healthy marriage.
8. You make long-term plans together.
In a new relationship, it’s OK to fly by the seat of your pants. You can change things at the last minute and don’t have to plan beyond your next Saturday night date. Once you get serious and decide to commit to each other, you need to make plans together. What if your partner wants to travel the world? Are you OK with staying home alone, or would you go with your partner? Know what each of you want, and make sure you’re OK with working through these goals and plans together.
9. Your family and friends like your partner.
When you’re newly in love, you might feel like that nothing else matters. Once you’re committed, you realize that everything matters. Initially, you might not care that your dad doesn’t approve of your partner. What does it matter when you’re the one dating them? But over time, this small rift will affect your life and your relationship. If your family and friends don’t like your partner, where is your support system? Will you be alienated from your friends and not invited to family events? Also remember that your family and friends know you best, and if they think there’s a problem with your relationship, maybe you should listen.
10. You can’t imagine your life without your partner.
Overall, you’re in love with your partner. You can’t see yourself with anyone else. You can’t see yourself without your partner. If you know you can’t be happy with another person, and you’d be incredibly unhappy without your current partner, then let it go and enjoy your loving relationship and marriage!
6. Tips for a successful relationship
1 Create your own rituals
It could be as simple as making your husband a coffee in the morning while he lets you lie in at the weekend. Whatever you choose, a ‘couples’ ritual is a way to connect with your partner in the madness of a busy life. “The comfort of little rituals are trust giving, safety maintaining, and love enhancing – these things help us get through the day in the outside world,” says Meredith. “If your partner says they love you and demonstrates that with consistent gestures, you can believe it.”
2 Learn to communicate
If you or your hubby is a poor communicator, don’t just put up with it, says Meredith - being able to talk openly with your partner is a sign of a strong marriage. “Develop your skills – go to classes, read books, observe good communicators and interview them about technique, ask for feedback, practice,” she advises. “Communication skills enhance all areas of your life – home and work. Get cracking – no excuses.”
3 Money matters
We usually handle money in the same way as our family did, and often assume our way is best. Not so, says Meredith, who advises discussing your views on paying bills, saving and credit cards before you tie the knot. “You need to come up with the new blended way you both will do things. It’s easy to have a major joint account where you both must tell each other what you do, and a slush fund minor private account each where you can be yourself without having to justify what you spend.
4 Respect and affection are deal breakers.
Small gestures matter - if you want your marriage to last, keep reminding each other that you love each other and nurture your relationship with kind words. “You need to treat each other preciously – not for granted,” says Meredith. “Some people say ‘I love you’, and some people will show ‘I love you’ – make sure that your partner understands your message, and work out what you both need then try to accommodate each other.
5 Adultery and jealousy are different things.
No matter how hard a marriage may seem at times, and while having affair might be exciting, almost everyone involved - children included – are destined to be harmed. “Either you are in or out – never humiliate your partner by duplicity,” says Meredith. “On the other hand, if your partner is jealous, and there is no reason for this, nip it in the bud. It is not cute or sweet, it is inappropriate, and can lead to violence. Get help. See a counsellor, and explore the past and work on this.
6 Put your marriage first.
Meredith adds that having a happy marriage means being prepared to take turns with life’s stages. “You can still work towards your goals, but maybe they will take longer to achieve, because right now you choose to help your husband study for a post grad course, or delay moving interstate so he can care for his elderly father.” And, for those bored with their partner, she says slow and steady beats the highs and lows of an anxious passion anytime. “There are two aspects that glue lovers together in the long term: like and respect.”